Bee had her hair done up this morning in what she is calling “door knobs.”
Category Archives: Kid Quotes
Bee’s Door Knobs
Out of the Mouths of Babes
I think every mother has a nightmare of having her child get a tooth knocked out. I had this lovely opportunity today – Bee was running down the cement steps to our back yard, tripped and fell and came back up minus a front tooth! Much of the edge was taken off on this for me, since the tooth has already been dead for a couple of years, as the result of getting headbutted (accidentally) by her older brother Zee when he was her age.
Unfortunately, since it is Saturday, our dentist is not open,
and she will have to wait . . . but I really doubt there is anything that they can do anyway. If the tooth had been alive, I think they can fix it, but with a dead tooth? I’m not so sure. But for now, the tooth is in a Ziploc bag with some ice in the refrigerator. Just in case . . .
After cleaning up the blood and giving her a piece of ice to suck on, her take on the whole thing? When asked if she wanted the tooth fairy to bring her money, she said “No way, I want candy!”
Childhood Ambitions
Alex came to me today and said “Z said he wants to be an author when he grows up.”
This was news to me, because last time he told me about his life’s ambitions, he said he wanted to be a fireman. He has actually wanted to be a fireman for a couple of years now. He is 6.
Z’s first childhood ambition was a lot more interesting. After his second Christmas, he went around saying “Ho, Ho, Ho!” in a loud voice, and then he declared that he wanted to be Santa Claus when he grew up. He was 22 months old. I assured him through suppressed laughter that he could be that and many other things. He continued with the Ho, Ho, Ho-ing for several months — It was a real holler.
Then at the age of 3, he saw the movie Fat Albert, and he decided that was what he wanted to be when he grew up (“Hey, Hey, Hey!”). At 4 he saw his first fire engine, and was duly impressed. Other than a Jedi Knight, that has been his one ambition that he keeps going back to.
But an author is a new one for him. I didn’t even know he knew that word, although it shouldn’t surprise me, since I write, and have taken the kids to a few book signings to meet authors that they have enjoyed, so maybe his wanting to be an author and write stories wasn’t such a stretch after all.
I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. “Oh?”
“I want to be an author. I want to write books,” he declared.
“What kind of books do you want to write?” I asked.
“Church books. I’m going to be the holiest man on earth.”
At this point I am sorry to say that I was unable to help myself, and I nearly choked on the mouthful of the apple I was munching on. Z is the one kid that I have had to drag out the door kicking and screaming “I don’t want to go! Church is so boring!”
“But you can’t stay home by yourself, it’s too dangerous, and there won’t be anyone to take care of you. It will be just as boring here,” I always tell him, shivering at the thought of coming home to a burning house or some other equally frightening scenario.
“The holiest man on earth?” I ask, struggling to keep my voice even.
“Why? Who is the holiest man on earth?” (He is totally serious.)
“Probably the Prophet,” I tell him.
“Well, then I’ll be the second holiest man on earth, ’cause I am really trying to be like Jesus.”
At this point I wondered if, at the age of 6, Moses’s or Elijah’s Mothers ever thought that their sons would take their turn as the holiest men on earth. Or Alma the younger, or Saul of Tarsus — what would their mothers have said?
Another Funny Quote
Zee helping Bee with the prayer at dinner time
Zee (age 6): Say “dear Heavenly Father . . .”
Bee (Age 3) “Dear Harry Potter . . .”
Kid Quotes
Zee (age 5):I’m allergic to pink.
Zee (age 6): All right, I’ll use the pink cup . . . (sighing heavily) I’ll just have to itch a little bit.
Zee (age 6) to his sister who was singing loudly: Stop it! Your blocking my earsight!
Bee-isms (age 3): Cow Puppy = Toy Stuffed Cow, Puppy Cat = Toy Stuffed Dog
Alex (Age 14) After handing Zee an overflowing cup of water: Hurry, sip the top off! But do it slowly!
More Funny Kid Quotes
Mom to Jake, who has been babbling into a handheld mirror: Jake, who are you talking to? Are you talking to yourself?
Jake (2 years old): No! I’m talking to him! (holds the mirror up so I can see)
Jake (2 years old): Ow!
Mom: What’s wrong?
Jake: A bump got me!
Jake (2 years old): (as I am tickling his leg) No! I’m not made for tickling! I’m made for wuving! (after thinking for a minute) I’m made for kissing too.
Mom: Jake, eat your dinner.
Jake (2 years old): I can’t stuff my food in my mouth! Mom, (blink, blink) can I eat my (chocolate) bunny?
Jake (2 years old): Please give me my car . . . don’t break it—it’s beauful.
Mom: What kind of dog would you like to have?
Jake (3 years old): W’ fee’ fee’.
Mom: Fifi?
Jake (getting frustrated): No! W’fee’ fee’!
Mom (confused): Fifi?
Jake (exasperated): No! I want a dog with legs! I want a brown dog with legs and four feet!!
Jake (3 years old): Crawly cat. Crawly cat means Mr. O’Malley in Spanish.
Jake (3 years old): Monte’s name is spelled S, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 8, 9.
Zee (3 months) I want to get down! (after wiggling and squirming on mom’s lap for a few minutes)
Zee (6 months): (as I was busy cleaning in the kitchen, Zee had been crawling by my feet crying, then he finally got tired of waiting, grabbed me around the leg, looked up at me, and said: “I want mommy to feed the baby!”
Zee (2 years old): Mom, how come my ‘hi’ doesn’t work? (After yelling hi to people as we were driving down the road in the van with the windows up.)
Alex: what color is it
Zee (3 years old): Navy Peach
Alex: what does that look like?
Zee: like yellow with no eyes!
A Great Exercise for Writing Dialogue
Writing down funny things that people say and writing them just how they were said is a good writing exercise. When I taught school, I would have the kids eavesdrop and write down conversations in a notebook and then we would change the context a little, or change the words slightly to create dialogue for a story that they were working on. I like writing down quotes by my kids, and collecting them from other people I know. They make great fodder for stories 🙂 Here are a few funny quotes by kids I know:
Alex (age 4): Mom, do you like it when people do things for you? I do, but there’s some stuff people have to do themselves – like sitting on the toilet or blowing your nose. But I wish someone could go to the bathroom for me, cause I hate going poop!
Alexisms: easy as cake, lickety slip
Alex (age 4): easy as a piece of cake.
Mom: don’t you mean easy as pie?
Alex: no, I do it in the cake kind of way.
Alex (age 4): Mooooom! Jake pinched me as hard as I dropped a rock on my toe!
Zee (age 3): Dang it!
Mom: What?
Zeeh: My Pixar! Bee just freezed it with her freezing power!
Mom: I really wish you wouldn’t have done that!
Niece (age 3): Mom, I’m not yours fairy!
