Mama Natural has done it again! And, she used quite a few of my suggestions for part 2 – watch it now 😀
Tag Archives: humor
Crunchy Talk
It’s funny how when you start getting involved in alternative health, there seems to be a whole new dialect that we learn, even if we are not around a lot of other “crunchy” folks! I laughed when I saw this video, because I think I have said almost all of these things, and more . . . And when we get around each other, I wonder sometimes if regular people even know what we are talking about.
If I could have added to this, there would have been a few more things that they could have said:
1. “Can you hold on a second? I need to pee my baby.” (infant potty training/elimination communication)
2. Raw Milk (in the two words part)
3. Cold sheet treatment
4. “Sure you can have a green avocado kefir smoothie”
5. “We chose not to participate in the barf fest this year” (referring to the chronic overdose of sugary treats which tend to induce flu every holiday)
6. “Are you picking up milk this week?”
7. Cod Liver Oil
8. “have you watched _________________ yet?” (fill in your food/childbirth/breastfeeding related documentary)
9. “I was so devastated, he self weaned when he was only 12 months old!”
10. Essential Oils (added to two words)
11. “Honey, can you stop and pick up some vodka from the liquor store? I’m out of __________.” (Fill in your tincture)
12. Weston A. Price
13. Vaccination waivers (two words)
14. soaked grains (two words)
15. “We don’t have an infant carrier”
16. “Just sneak into the barn at night, pick up a couple of gallons and leave your money in the box.”
17. “We don’t eat cold breakfast cereal”
18. “We would like to skip the fluoride treatments.” (To the dental assistant)
19. lacto-fermentation
20. Grass fed (two words)
21. “Have some more pastured bacon!”
22. Farm Raids (two words)
23. “Check the label for GMO’s/HFCS/MSG/Red Dye #40/etc.”
24. Monsanto
25. “Keep the government out of my food!”
26. quoting CDC stats on raw milk/spinach/herbal supplements
27. Pastured eggs (two words)
28. “Please don’t trim the fat, and can you throw in all of the organ meats and soup bones, please?” (to the butcher)
29. Are you going to ride with the raw milk freedom riders?
30. Namaste!
A visual of the mother chewing up something and putting it in baby’s mouth would have been too funny as well. I could go on and on, so feel free to leave your additions in the comments!
If I Had a Million Dollars: What the Kids Say
So, what if you could ask for a million dollars and someone just gave it to you like this guy:
I asked my kids what they would do with that much money.
7 year old Zee said he would save it until he had 2 million and then he would use it to buy food for his kids. So practical!
13 year old J said that he would buy cows, goats, and some land. . . oh and seeds to plant. Oh and he would get a Wii and some DS games . . . I might be inclined to think that he is telling me what I want to hear, but I know him better than that. I think that he actually WOULD get a farm – probably a full scale vermiculture operation. And a Wii – that is if I would let him.
Well, If someone just gave me a million dollars, I know what I would do. I would donate 10% to the charity of my choice because nothing falls out of the sky like that on its own, and then I would probably find a nice big piece of land – maybe 10 to 20 acres – with a 6 or 7 bedroom, 3 or 4 bath house, budget max of $350,000. Cash should provide a big enough incentive for the seller 😉 If there wasn’t already an art studio and a commercial kitchen, I would have one installed, I would do a lot of the work myself and get it done for under $50,000 maybe less if I could get used equipment. I drool over Hobart mixers and Harsch crocks . . . I would install an actual brick oven and buy cast iron and stainless steel cookware with an amazing set of knives. I would put $50,000 away for each of the kids for a college fund, and I would put $100,000 in a Roth IRA for retirement. (I still have a few years to grow that before I need it) and I would invest another 100,000 in starting a business – either a bakery or contract IT services, or maybe both. Then I might use some cash and buy newer full size 4 wheel drive pickup truck with a quad cab – not new, and a nicer minivan, I would install a sustainable energy source for my home, and buy some animals (for family food production, not full scale farming), and build up my garden, a small greenhouse, and a root cellar. I figure that would leave me a decent sized emergency fund, which I would stow away in a money market account with a decent interest rate.
So, anyone wanna give me a million dollars? Pretty please?
How Fresh is YOUR Chicken?
I thought this was funny:
The 10 Natural Laws of Parenting
- Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong it will.
- The parenting law of invisibility: If your kids want something they can see you. If you want something, they can’t.
- The Law of Increasing Disorder: The closer it gets to the hour of some important event, the more chaotic things get. This is directly proportionate to the level of importance of the event in question.
- The Law of Regularity: If you ask a child to do something, he/she invariably need to use the restroom. The converse of this law is that your child will never need to use the restroom unless you are in your car at least 20 miles from the nearest restroom.
- The Law of Inverse Hunger: The more excitement, dessert, etc. the less hungry a child will be.
- The Parent’s Four laws of Motion:
- Parental Inertia: If you want your child to do something, you will have to prod them along every step of the way. If you do not want your child to do something, this fact in itself provides all the needed inertia for the task to be done without any prodding whatsoever.
- f=ma: If your child is running away from you, the speed at which they travel is directly related to your body mas multiplied by the speed at which you are traveling in their direction. The best way to catch up with them is to stop running, or to run in the opposite direction.
- Every action has an equal and opposite reaction: This is why kids retaliate in kind after being hit, bit, scratched, etc. If you want it to stop, you have to step in and stop them yourself or it could go on forever.
- If you have several children and you are moving toward them with the intent to capture, they will all move away in separate directions. (Please refer to the Parent’s Second Law of Motion)
- The law of Parenting Relativity: If you sit down with a child on your lap, all of the children in the house will gravitate toward you and it will not be long before all of the children have dog piled on you, with the smallest child somehow on the very bottom of the pile. This invariably results in kicking, biting, and screaming about who was there first or who should be the one who should be allowed to stay for whatever reason. This will continue until you get up and throw All of them off.
- The Parenting law of Conservation of Mass-Energy: Matter is neither created or destroyed, therefore missing left socks, missing keys, and other mysteriously vanishing objects have either been: a) sucked into a black hole, b) transformed into another form of energy, or c) have been buried in your child’s sandbox.
- The Parenting law of thermodynamics: your child’s desire to play outside and get healthy exercise, fresh air, and sunshine is directly related to the temperature. They will not want to go out because it is a) too hot, or b) too cold. The temperature will never be just right unless one of the other laws has influenced him/her in one way or another.
- The Electrostatic law of Parenting: Teens will only want to venture forth to any activity if there is a satisfactory electrically charged particle to with whom to join with to create an electrostatic force field (i.e. a “hot” member of the opposite sex). Be very wary if they are excited to go ANYWHERE!
Mom’s Twelve Days Of Christmas
Here is a really cute version of the 12 days of Christmas that I think any parent can appreciate! Thanks Mindi 🙂
Mom’s Twelve Days Of Christmas
Lyrics thoughtfully revised by Mindi K. Flowers at B.A. Bookworm
On the first day of Christmas, my children gave to me
A chance to be a referee.
On the second day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the third day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Nine ornaments crashing
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Ten songs-a-singin’
Nine ornaments crashing
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Eleven presents peeking
Ten songs-a-singin’
Nine ornaments crashing
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Twelve smiles heartwarming
Eleven presents peeking
Ten songs-a-singin’
Nine ornaments crashing
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.
Fork Attack
So we are sitting there peacefully eating dinner, and Bee decides that she doesn’t want to eat her chicken. No big surprise there. The next thing I know Zee snatches the chicken off her plate, she starts screaming like a banshee and she stabs him in the face with her fork. While everyone sat with their mouths hanging open in shock I jumped up and grabbed the hand Zee was using to cover his face and pulled it away — I was really afraid that she had forked him in the eye — but no, there on his forehead was a nice neat little row of pindrops of blood. A fork mark. This is one girl you really don’t want to cross.
Kid Quotes
Zee (age 5):I’m allergic to pink.
Zee (age 6): All right, I’ll use the pink cup . . . (sighing heavily) I’ll just have to itch a little bit.
Zee (age 6) to his sister who was singing loudly: Stop it! Your blocking my earsight!
Bee-isms (age 3): Cow Puppy = Toy Stuffed Cow, Puppy Cat = Toy Stuffed Dog
Alex (Age 14) After handing Zee an overflowing cup of water: Hurry, sip the top off! But do it slowly!
More Funny Kid Quotes
Mom to Jake, who has been babbling into a handheld mirror: Jake, who are you talking to? Are you talking to yourself?
Jake (2 years old): No! I’m talking to him! (holds the mirror up so I can see)
Jake (2 years old): Ow!
Mom: What’s wrong?
Jake: A bump got me!
Jake (2 years old): (as I am tickling his leg) No! I’m not made for tickling! I’m made for wuving! (after thinking for a minute) I’m made for kissing too.
Mom: Jake, eat your dinner.
Jake (2 years old): I can’t stuff my food in my mouth! Mom, (blink, blink) can I eat my (chocolate) bunny?
Jake (2 years old): Please give me my car . . . don’t break it—it’s beauful.
Mom: What kind of dog would you like to have?
Jake (3 years old): W’ fee’ fee’.
Mom: Fifi?
Jake (getting frustrated): No! W’fee’ fee’!
Mom (confused): Fifi?
Jake (exasperated): No! I want a dog with legs! I want a brown dog with legs and four feet!!
Jake (3 years old): Crawly cat. Crawly cat means Mr. O’Malley in Spanish.
Jake (3 years old): Monte’s name is spelled S, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 8, 9.
Zee (3 months) I want to get down! (after wiggling and squirming on mom’s lap for a few minutes)
Zee (6 months): (as I was busy cleaning in the kitchen, Zee had been crawling by my feet crying, then he finally got tired of waiting, grabbed me around the leg, looked up at me, and said: “I want mommy to feed the baby!”
Zee (2 years old): Mom, how come my ‘hi’ doesn’t work? (After yelling hi to people as we were driving down the road in the van with the windows up.)
Alex: what color is it
Zee (3 years old): Navy Peach
Alex: what does that look like?
Zee: like yellow with no eyes!
